just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
