I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
