In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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