Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
