he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
