I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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