I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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