He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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