The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
