so that wasnt chicken after all
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
