Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
