I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
