I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
