Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
