my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize