Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
