Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
