In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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