a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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