I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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