I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
