he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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