I just threw up on my dentist
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
