just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
