u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
