i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
