having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
