I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
