What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
