walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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