Christians are straight up FREAKS
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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