my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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