Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
