i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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