Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
