I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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