your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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