Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
