At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
