i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do herpes really smell.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
