We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
