i permit you to call me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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