I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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