FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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