There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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