I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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