Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  someone owes me an orgasm

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  (406): someone owes me an orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7wj
  Replies (17) Good night (1601) Bad night (3345)
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  (714): View more from California

  Being a girl sucks.

  (949): View more from California

  Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too

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  (714): Being a girl sucks. (949): Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too http://tfl.nu/5qxe
  Replies (39) Good night (4928) Bad night (1165)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."

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  (617): i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex." http://tfl.nu/vl6s
  Replies (24) Good night (4953) Bad night (782)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1439) Bad night (5083)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

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  (678): I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though. http://tfl.nu/25nt
  Replies (10) Good night (3622) Bad night (1213)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".

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  (780): just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency". http://tfl.nu/5vs5
  Replies (7) Good night (3254) Bad night (757)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

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  (610): I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun. http://tfl.nu/gl1b
  Replies (6) Good night (1683) Bad night (1211)
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  (718): View more from New York

  According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.

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  (718): According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago. http://tfl.nu/y0dx
  Replies (5) Good night (2551) Bad night (768)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.

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  (914): We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not. http://tfl.nu/467u
  Replies (15) Good night (702) Bad night (1567)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?

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  (248): We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ? http://tfl.nu/vd2y
  Replies (1) Good night (808) Bad night (346)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina

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  (718): He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina http://tfl.nu/wn6v
  Replies (7) Good night (349) Bad night (824)
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  (530): View more from California

  FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood

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  (530): FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood http://tfl.nu/brn4
  Replies (5) Good night (620) Bad night (434)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION

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  (647): HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION http://tfl.nu/2yk9
  Replies (4) Good night (426) Bad night (694)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye

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  (913): so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye http://tfl.nu/o046
  Replies (3) Good night (520) Bad night (707)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed

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  (616): I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed http://tfl.nu/kh3f
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (233)

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