I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.