Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.