when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.