Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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