It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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