Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again