Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.

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  (815): Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet. http://tfl.nu/agm0
  Replies (34) Good night (698) Bad night (3222)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt

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  (352): You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt http://tfl.nu/6zpu
  Replies (26) Good night (3963) Bad night (717)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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  (218): No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/i2q3
  Replies (22) Good night (1167) Bad night (4424)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

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  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7830) Bad night (1305)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

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  (505): she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes http://tfl.nu/9qtj
  Replies (10) Good night (4546) Bad night (1045)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  some bitch filled my sink with salsa.

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  (724): some bitch filled my sink with salsa. http://tfl.nu/iv44
  Replies (10) Good night (2333) Bad night (1461)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.

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  (770): Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/stcx
  Replies (20) Good night (2708) Bad night (943)
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  (323): View more from California

  You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.

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  (323): You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion. http://tfl.nu/elx2
  Replies (2) Good night (1358) Bad night (615)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.

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  (+61): Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon. http://tfl.nu/pw6n
  Replies (9) Good night (1993) Bad night (590)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite

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  (484): you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite http://tfl.nu/cjvu
  Replies (2) Good night (1761) Bad night (918)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down

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  (775): I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down http://tfl.nu/2bqj
  Replies (2) Good night (840) Bad night (456)
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  (760): View more from California

  Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.

  (432): View more from Texas

  You're so wise.

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  (760): Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants. (432): You're so wise. http://tfl.nu/48zw
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (382)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years

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  (978): The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years http://tfl.nu/zb6z
  Replies (7) Good night (817) Bad night (1062)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong

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  (215): candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong http://tfl.nu/hvis
  Replies (3) Good night (659) Bad night (332)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?

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  (613): How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"? http://tfl.nu/g21k
  Replies (4) Good night (786) Bad night (220)

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