Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
