we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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