I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
