Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
