So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
