Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize