The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
