I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
