I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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