so let's talk penis.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
