All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
