the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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