He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
