Don't make out with my wife yet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
